LOVE

Eks1 : How do I know its love ?
Eks2: You must ask the right questions to get the right answers
Eks1: And the right question is ....
Eks2: How do I know its not love ?
Eks1: ok, How do I know its not love ?
Eks2: Its not love till you realize that it is.

Cliché

Those of you who have understood the true meaning of the term “cliché” would have realized that the term cliché has itself become a cliché. A victim of its own creation of sorts.

In three words I can sum up everything I have learnt about life, It Goes On ---- that’s so cliché

So you all know what you should be saying after you read each of the below sentences.

I hate doing homework
I hate studying for exams
Life is so boring
I wish I had more money
I want to go out and play
I want to fall in love
I wish the summer holidays would start at winter this time
When is school getting reopened, I am so bored
When I grow up I want to be rich, famous & successful
No one understands me
Its maa life, gonna live it in maa way
I am who I am period
Whatever … WTF …. Who cares …. NO fear …. What’s your prob ….
Love and all is bullshit
Life is so boring
I wish I had more money
I am the best
Life is beautiful
I havent finished studying anything
I want to do engineering after my 12th
Classes are such a waste of time
The lecturers know nothing
I am going to make the most of this one life I got
I am wasting my time doing nothing
I can be whoever I want to be
Why do things happen to me only?
GOD, I wish I could just stop worrying so much
Success, fame & richness is not going to make me happy
I just love the countryside
I want to travel the whole world
I just want to lead a calm & peaceful life
All I want is happiness
I am going to marry someone who is compatible with me
I want to go for my dreams
I want a big house, nice car, beautiful wife
Life is so boring
I wish I had more money
The best days of my life were when I was a kid


Many of us go through various feelings at different times. Most of these thoughts are attributed to our age & not much attention is given to all these because as I myself have said it has become so cliché to think like this. Very few “actually feel” all these. For the rest, the feelings are present but they really have no idea what it feels like to “actually feel” it. Well some are meant to feel it & some are not, so no big deal. But at the end of the day, its your call as to whether “I am going to grow out of it” or “I am going to do something about it”.

Movies masti magic

Movies have ruined my life. Movies are the root cause of all the desires which i currently possess. Desires which motivate me as much as they cause me anguish. Movies have influenced in so many ways that I sometimes wonder what kind of a person I would have been if I hadnt watched even one movie in my life!!!

Movies have shown me the insignificance of my presence. Oh yes, they have. If not for movies I would have led a contended life, satisfied with whatever little I had. I would have been extremely happy in my own small little world without bothering (because I would not be knowing) about the world outside. Movies have opened me to the infiniteness of people & places. They have shown me the various facets of human existence. They have made me realize that life can be lived in any which way.

But then, movies are solely responsible for causing me the biggest issue of my teenage life "identity crisis". Yes, they caused total confusion in my tiny mind during my formative years. I can even go to the extent of saying they have scarred me for life. There is no denying that DDLJ filled my heart with various forms of feelings about love (wah .. seriously). There is no denying that as I grew up, Sanju baba & his gang-of-men changed my perception about "bad boys".


Movies generally portray that you can achieve something only when you got nothing to start with. Its always from the bottom that you go to the top. So the situations are always such, a guy from the lowest strata of society who has got nothing to lose going on to achieve something really big. These kind are really inspiring. But then not everyone is in a situation of got-nothing-to-lose. The other situation being the filthy rich. They have the best girls around, the best things, the best locales, the best scenes (..Ahem) why GOD why ???
People might say "Its just a movie dude .. its all make-believe" ... but those are real people .. real locations. who cares if it happened or not, the fact is that those people exist as do those places & that is enough for a dream. The very few movies which portray the situation in between (neither the too-poor & neither the too-rich) are the most hurting even though they are supposed to portray the life of people like me. You know why it hurts most?? coz they all have a neighbourhood-sweet-girl-next-door around. It never ever happens in real life, does it?? (I am praying)

Movies have made a mockery of my emotions, they have made me realize that whatever I want to do has been done, whatever I want to achieve has been achieved, whatever I dream has been dreamt, whatever I feel has been felt, whatever I think has been thought, whatever I know has been known. The emotions they bring out in such openness has made me feel that I should do the same, even though I dont. Some situations, some scenes, some dialogues have welled up my eyes, some have given me goose bumps, some have just stayed with me to haunt me, to question me.
Life has indeed taught me many lessons and I am forever indebted to it for that, and the rest I have learnt from movies.

Ex-Thoughts

For reasons unknown to me, I have been very late in realizing most of the things around me. By “things” I mean the general way of life & also the normal way of thinking of people. This has been happening from a long time, and when I have finally realized the actuality of it all, it has always been an “..aha!!!” moment & will continue to be so.

I will start from as far as I can remember. When I was 11 or 12, a haircut meant, well a cutting-of-hair or maybe even cutting-of-all-hair, not as in bald, but cutting it with scissors as much as the barber’s skill allowed. I would always be surprised when the barber used to ask what kind of haircut I wanted. Slowly of course, by looking here & there, and also after breaking my (then-small) head as to why I used to be called porcupine by many people, I realized that haircut shouldn’t be taken literally. Aha !! From then onwards, till now, I have never returned from the barber’s shop with the kind of haircut as I would have planned before entering the shop.

For some strange reason, till I was 18 or so, I used to associate casteism with my language. I used to think that only kannadigas were Brahmins, & also I had no idea of the names of any other caste. Trust me, I had no clue that “caste” is actually associated with which family you are born in and that language had nothing to do with it. Aha !! I couldn’t imagine that a person was accorded a so and so caste just because he was born to so and so. But what was even more shocking was the most-casual acceptance of this fact by everyone around. It wasn’t that I had an ideological difference with people around me; in fact I didn’t even know their ideology. Anyway, I don’t want to start preaching here, so it would be enough if I said, casteism is absolute BS. Though I must add that, since Brahmanas wrote the Vedas, Upanishads & all other holy scriptures of Hindu’s, we have (in UNIX terms) administrative rights. We have the right to edit, modify & bend the rules as we may wish and as I am a Brahmin in all its pure sense, I am going to do so.

My life was very straight forward and my thinking was very simple till I entered engineering. It was on these lines---- 'People who do engineering are the crème-de-elite & along with this people who do Medical also exist'. I had absolutely no clue as to the variety of courses available in various other streams. It wasn’t that I didn’t think they were good, I just didn’t know that these courses were present because of the most basic fact that everyone has got different interests & that you should do something you should be interested in. Aha !! I simply wasn’t exposed to all this choose-a-career-in-accordance-with-your-aptitude stuff. Maybe it is because of the plethora of opportunities available to the educated Indian today, or maybe it was the hostel atmosphere during engineering which opened my eyes to the fact that “do anything you want but do it good & you can be whoever you want to be, because it doesn’t matter what you do, all that matters is how you do it”.

I won’t lie here by saying that I didn’t know that the concept of arranged marriage existed in our society. I was aware, but surely I wasn’t aware of the actual process. My views on marriage, long before I lost my innocence, were that I would be obviously going to have a love-marriage (then it seemed the most natural thing that could happen with me) and that I would just have to get a job after engineering. So after job, marry. That’s it. Simple, wasn’t it?? Well the problem came in the shape of pre-decided rules of marriage. Guy has gotta be >> 28,well settled & girl has gotta be <<24-25> Aha !! Even after realizing these things, I thought that these would be restricted to the uneducated lot, who don’t realize that marriage is not some convenient relationship you form, in order to lead a comfy life, but a bond of two souls, of two minds, of two hearts, of two human-bodies. But that is not at all the case; in fact it is the highly educated lot who are very much continuing the “traditions”. This has actually reached such a stage that all the education & worldly knowledge is not going to make any difference to the way people think & approach this subject of marriage. I thought that, the current generation of girls might feel that they are being asked to compromise their lives, since they are usually married off to someone by the time they reach their mid-20’s, but that isn’t the case. I think that, the acceptance of this kind of situation by the girls has been at a subconscious level. Of course, this doesn’t apply to each & everyone, but it does to most (currently) & the only thing to be glad about this is that the system is working.

As I have mentioned, my exposure to the “world” was very limited. I used to think that my views were futuristic, till I realized that they were not. My only futuristic view was to become rich. I had no notion of this clichéd term in engineering circles called ‘higher-studies’. By this I mean that, I actually didn’t know that you could actually study more after engineering.Aha !! The true meaning of terms like graduate, post-graduate, bachelor’s, master’s had never entered my mind. Stupid, wasn’t I ?? Once again, the shocking part being, everyone is doing it & those who are not at least know about it. GOD, where was I sleeping?? (Vatsa, you were always sleeping in the classroom)

When I was very very young, in other words, when I was cute & chubby I didn’t even know that a term called “Weekend” existed. Saturday was half day of school & lot of games in the afternoon & evening. Sunday was about Mowgli & chandrakanta in the morning, sleeping in the noon & again games in the evening. This pretty much continued till I finished high school. (high schoolallu Mowgli nodthaidyaa ?? kid only). Then PU was about studies, studies & (no prizes for guessing) studies. Since I was in a totally-focused-on-one-goal phase then, Sat & Sun meant a complete revision of that week’s tuition material. Then in engineering, Sunday ..Saturday .. Monday didn’t make a difference. It really didn’t. Maybe the night meal of bisibelebath on Sat nights made us realize that it was Sat & time to do “something”, but there was no special feeling of arrival of weekend. It was only after a whole week's of proper work after joining my job, that Saturday Night Fever struck me. Aha !! The point I am trying to bring out is that it took me 22 years of my life to realize what a “weekend” truly means, thanks to my boring frustrating but high paying job and also to my bunch of friends.

So now, when I am very very wise (not old), in other words, when I am tall & handsome I have realized many thingz that I should have realized before only.

Eternal calmness of the chaotic mind.

So many people in this world, what’s my significance?? But why should I be significant? Why should anyone be significant? Why should I go through the mundane routine of life?? What will I attain out of it?? But am I here to attain anything?? If yes, what if I don’t attain it?? If I am not here to attain anything then why am I here??? But why do I need a reason to be here?? I am unique (just like everyone else). The question of comparison doesn’t even arise. Everyone to himself. I look around & see things. When I see things I feel things (I am a human after all), when I feel things I think about it (I am an intelligent human after all). So what if I do?? There are many things I have & a few that I don’t, I desire it … many situations I have been in & a few I haven’t, I regret it… many people I have known & a few I haven’t, I wish I had … many dreams have been fulfilled & a few haven’t, I dream about them. But what am I going to get out of all this? … Happiness?? But in order to be happy (genuinely-permanently- happy) all one needs is ‘nothing’. You don’t have to do something or not-do something to be happy. You are either happy or you are not. You just do things & at the end of it, if you get happiness...good...if you don’t...screw happiness. Who says you can’t be happy about sadness? What is so sad about being sad?? So happiness is not what I seek & sadness is not something I would enforce upon myself. Maybe, I desire just for the sake of desiring, I regret just because there is nothing else to regret, I wish just because I know it’s never going to become true, I dream because there is nothing else to be dreamt about.
Am I really the kind of person I think I am?? What kind of perception do people have about me? Do I really know what kind of impression I am leaving on people? I feel certain people have certain impressions of me. I say, I don’t care about impressions, but is that just a thought? Do I really don’t care? if I say I don’t care & I think that I don’t care, do I really truly , sincerely don’t care??. How is one to know if one is thinking “truly” or not??? Is the truthfulness of a thought based on the conscious of the thinker?? Is it based on the notion that a man can lie even in his prayers to HIM but not to himself?? Isn’t it possible that, what we think about ourselves is not “what is” but “what we wish is”?? Then doesn’t this mean that, what we are sincerely thinking is not the reality of the situation. What is my true ambition?? Money? Luxury? Happiness? Family? Success? Fame? When will I be able to say that THIS is the ambition of my life?? Maybe I will never know that this is what I really want till I have actually got it … after I achieve that ambition, what else, another ambition?? Till when can I go on like this?? A thought once thought can never be taken back. It’s plainly impossible not to think about something just because you don’t want to. But just thinking about it doesn’t also mean that you necessarily “want” it. How should I know the difference between real thoughts & fake thoughts? Who is to differentiate between the two?? Me?? It’s my thoughts so maybe it has to be me only. I may not have the right to control what I think but surely I have the right to act on it or not act on it. But do I??? On what basis do I decide that a certain thought is real and needs my attention? Am I not conditioned from various society & worldly conditioning to believe that some thoughts are good & some are bad?? So if that kind of thinking is the basis for my actions then what role am I playing? I am neither controlling the actions committed by myself & nor am I controlling the thoughts governing those actions.
Every question doesn’t have an answer. Every action doesn’t have a purpose. Every situation doesn’t have a reason. Happiness, sadness, desire, ambition, a purpose, a reason, a regret.. all these feelings are purely ‘a thought’. A thought starts as a thought & ends as a thought. Neither is the thought immortal, nor are we. A thought is there to be thought about & a feeling is to be felt. Nothing is good & nothing is bad, because good & bad are again just “thoughts”. You can think in any which way you like & feel however you want & yet do whatever it is that has to be done, coz all that matters is what you DO & not what you FEEL, coz all that matters is WHO YOU ARE & not WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE.

I will never cease to think, but whenever I think, I will do so with the complete knowledge that “I am thinking”. This is the “Eternal calmness of the chaotic mind”. This is not just a thought; this is also the meaning of my last name – Nidhanee.

Who am I amounts to ... I am who I am ... period

This will be the last of my BlogSetup notes. So I will clearly tell for the last time that it is very essential that all of you read this current post as well as the previous one to get a grip of what lies ahead. As boring as it may sound, it is essential to mention these things since I believe (my usual current- belief) that when I do something I must do it completely & perfectly. So based on the assumption that you people have understood the point I was trying to convey in the previous post I will start this one. Another assumption is that you are going to treat this post as well as all the rest to come with the same amount of suspicion which I wreaked on you guys in the first one & hopefully you will always be saying to yourself I-doubt-he’s-saying-the-truth.


Suddenly I realized that I have been using “you” a lot in this paragraph. That is not going to happen much in the future so all of YOU bask in the glory till it lasts, coz its going to be all I ME & (you guessed right) MYSELF from next time onwards.

I will try to bring out here some aspects of myself & to a certain extent about this blog. Whats my name, address, mobile number?? What do I do ?? what’s my age ?? etc etc is totally immaterial. Actually my blog link has my first name and for my last name ... well that needs a whole blog for itself. So don’t miss that out when it gets posted.

Those who know me will also very well know that this is my blog. So I am not hiding from anyone & writing with a pseudo name. what about those who don’t know me ?? what if they want to know everything about me after reading such wonderful stuff in my blog ?? well if any of you end up in such a situation I would prefer telling you to “go get a life” but I wont ( I am a nice guy you see) rather I will remind you of SRK in OSO “agar kisi ko dil se chaho tho poori kaynat tumko usse milane ki koshish main lag jaati hain” …. The plain-english version being “if we are meant to know each other we will”. But for the still-desperate-to-know-more-about-me types … keep reading my blog daily before you read your newspaper surely your curiosity will be cured.

This blog is going to be based on only one philosophy & that is philosophy itself. I LOVE PHILOSOPHY. That’s my forte. Philosophy makes life worth living. So I am going to concentrate as much as I can on that in each & eveything I write. Philosophy in each & every thing that I do, in every thing that happens to me, in every situation that I encounter, in each & every-damn-thing where philosophy is not involved I will bring it in. it is going to be philosophy of the highest kind. Philosophy which mankind has never heard of or thought of. Philosophy in all its forms ranging from the seriously-damn-serious, damn-serious, serious, funny, damn-funny & the seriously-damn-funny.

So keep your minds wide open when you read further. That pretty much sums up what I wanted to say here.

Why I Write

For some intelluctuals out there who are reading this, before you start shouting “pliagarism” “copyright-infringement” and the like I would like to tell you that I am not copying George Orwell’s essay here and for all you obviously-clueless people don’t take the trouble of gooogling and all, you can find here (this also happens to be the first time I have inserted a hyperlink) the essay I am referring to. I want to clearly put across the purpose of my blog before I start blogging. But why do I need a purpose in the first place??? Everything in life needs a purpose …. Doesn’t it ??? well at different times I belive in different things (usually contradictory) and currently (this very second) I believe “evrything you do in life needs a purpose”. So my purpose (bold on purpose) is that “I want to express my thoughts”. That’s it ??? aaakthoo ….adanna helakke ishtondu scope bekagithaa ??? well my current belief also goes onto believe that the purpose can be anything .. any-damn-thing, any-silly-thing, any-vague-thing, any-any-thing … so now that I have clearly specified the “why” part of my blog let me go into the “what” part. What am I gonna write ?? that surely depends on the mood of that day, the situations of those times, the circumstances that life would have put me in in those times but most importantly my writing in this blog will be focussed towards the “superficial” & all the “unreal” thoughts … before you start scratching your heads …. That was just a complicated way of saying that I will not be putting across my “true-feelings” here. But yaake ??? come on man .. express your thoughts (the real ones) ..bring out your sorrows … share your happiness …. Cut the crap I say …. All that goes into my personal diary ..yeah I maintain one (so now you guys know the first & last personal thing about me). However if I so feel like it maybe I will bare it all out, but how should the reader’s know that you are speaking truly or not. That eggxactly is the whole point. Gothaythaa … yeah I am clever/smart/synonyms-of-smart (go go open Freedictionary.com)… cant help it. So if you happen to know me or have met me or heard about me or seen me & if you find that some character in some blog is resembling you then you can be rest assured that it’s a fictional blog. Happy ??? well just don’t let your sleep be disturbed by what I write here.. nightmares are fine …. vokay … GTP …Got The Point… no …just forget it then, you are not worthy of me .. and all you people who are just reading this out of the blue YOU are the reason I blog for. This is a blog for you, of me & by me. But why the hell am I bothered about people I am never gonna meet in my life. Well, I am certainly not bothered. That was just so that they feel happy & make my blog famous by word-of-mouth … am I faking this thought or is this for real ??? Kyaa aap paanchvi pass se thez hain ??? (For my international readers here’s the translated or rather the original version) are you smarter than a fifth grader ???
You people have no idea the wealth of konwledge you guys will be acquiring by reading this blog. Knowledge about what?? That I will mention in my next post. So people, come on don’t waste your life+time=lifetime reading other blogs … read mine .. it just doesn’t get simpler than this does it.